Earth Flat and Cooling, Trump Claims
Also Directs Military to Invest in Coal, Blockbuster, and the Telegraph
By Cho King, Environmental Correspondent
Washington, DC — The Environmental Protection (sic) Agency (EPA) Thursday repealed its finding that climate change endangers human life and the environment, fulfilling President Trump’s second-term promise to defeat the “round earther” movement.
Trump, who frequently notes, “when I walk from here to there the ground doesn’t curve,” and, “isn’t it cold in here?” announced the policy alongside beaming EPA Secretary Lee Zeldin and the “Super Bowl Champion New England Patriots.” Zeldin has long championed suffocation as an alternative to electrocution for the death penalty.
Trump called climate scientists “stupid people” at the UN in September and claimed Thursday that the “endangerment finding” had “no basis in fact,” like “gravity,” “evolution,” and “asthma.”
Citing numbers from the Bureau of Loyal Statistics, Zeldin argued the “Green New Scam” cost businesses $1 trillion — “an outrageous price for clean air, water, soil, longer lif…
