Turkey Pardoned after $1 Million Donation to Trump Library

Others Buy Crypto or Ink Business Deals for Clemency — “Democrat Turkeys” Not So Lucky

By Phil Grimm, Thanksgiving Correspondent

Washington, DC — In honor of Thanksgiving, President Trump has issued a flurry of pardons for turkeys otherwise destined for holiday platters and late night leftovers.

Among the reprieved: GobbleChain founder Chainpeng Zhowl, who narrowly escaped a “no flee deal” with the Biden Justice Department, which would have served him to a wealthy Connecticut family. Trump reportedly signed the pardon with Zhowl en route to the butcher’s block.

Zhowl’s absolution followed GobbleChain’s sudden relocation to Trump Tower and the appointment of Don Jr. and Eric Trump to the board of CluckDance, a Cayman Islands-based crypto firm that powers GobbleChain’s “black feed” market. The platform allegedly allows turko-terrorists and Frankenfowl drumstick dealers to bypass US sanctions. But OFAC delisted CluckDance earlier this year after intense lobbying and gifting turkey-themed NFTs to White House staff.

Curtis “Big Wattle” Snood received amnesty after his mother, Op…