Trump Wins Nobel Prize!

“Don’t tell him it’s not for peace,” whispered an aide.

Trump attempting to make a shadow puppet while speaking to the Nobel Committee.

By Suze Spendwell, Economics Correspondent

Stockholm, Sweden — The Nobel Committee awarded President Trump its prize in economics Monday for his pioneering work in “hype finance,” “creative accounting,” and “debt reduction by disdain” – cornerstones of his Post-Reality Fiscal Theory.

In its announcement, the Committee praised Trump for “redefining the concept of economic growth by measuring it exclusively in adjectives,” citing his use of terms like “tremendous,” “unbelievable,” and “the best numbers, maybe ever” as a bold departure from traditional metrics like GDP or employment rates.

“Trump’s economic philosophy is refreshingly unburdened by math,” said Committee Chair Lars Bjørnsen. “He proved that deficits are just numbers, and numbers are fake news.”