Trump Launches “Anti-Woke” Campaign at Cabinet Meeting

“He wasn’t asleep. He was refusing to be awake,” White House insists.

By A. Noddington, Senior Somnolence Correspondent

Washington, DC — President Trump appeared to doze off repeatedly during Tuesday’s cabinet meeting, but the White House denied the 79-year-old was tired, insisting instead he was pioneering a new “anti-woke” initiative.

Trump models how to be “unwoke.”

“Social consciousness is dangerous,” explained Communications Secretary Steven Cheung. “The president was demonstrating Consciousness Resistance Training. His head’s gentle forward tilt was a physical rejection of the upright, alert posture demanded by woke mobs and the Deep State.”

Commerce Secretary Lutnick, whose 87-slide tariff presentation triggered Trump’s most profound unwoke episode, marveled: “The discipline it takes to remain completely motionless with your mouth slightly open for 47 minutes — that’s patriotism at its purest. It’s like watching freedom power nap.”

EPA Secretary Zeldin gushed to Fox News about Trump’s “strategic deployment of executive rest” to conserve energy for “the real fight: dismantling the climate change agenda.”

The White House later announced the first Friday of each month will be “National anti-Woke Awareness Days,” when patriotic Americans sleep through that month’s labor data release.

The President said he would personally observe the first holiday later during his intelligence briefing.