Trump Frat Pack Mistakes Epstein Survivors’ Testimony for Epstein Party
“We thought the good times were back,” said Rudy Giuliani, "but it was just a press conference."
By Phil. E. Buster, Congressional Correspondent
Washington, DC – September 5, 2025
Donald Trump, Pete Hegseth, Rudy Giuliani, and Elon Musk rushed to Capitol Hill Wednesday after hearing that Jeffrey Epstein sexual abuse survivors would appear.
“Hot young ladies? We’re there,” said Hegseth, dabbing white powder from his bloody nose with an American flag pocket square. “We loaded up the Axe, threw on our aviators, and strutted over.”
“It was nice to see so many familiar faces,” said President Trump. “A little older now than when we first met on the island…I mean, Democrat hoax!”
“I’ve always supported girls,” said Giuliani, rubbing dripping hair dye into his face to create the illusion of a tan. “Especially young ones. Especially Jeff’s…I mean, Democrat hoax!”
Musk, who wore a black t-shirt reading “Be My Next Brood Mare,” offered free verification on X to survivors willing to ride in his Cybertruck — to no avail.
“It’s not …
