Trump Carves Up Ukraine for Putin at Thanksgiving Feast

Russia Brings Financial Desserts, Empty Tupperware to Diplomatic Potluck

By Rip Diplomacy, Foreign Affairs Correspondent

Mar-a-Lago, FL — President Trump invited Vladimir Putin to Thanksgiving dinner last week, where he served Ukraine as the main dish on a golden platter.

“I’ve made Baked Alaska before but never Ukraine. Or, as Putin called it, ‘Baked Little Russia,’” said Trump chef Ronald McDonald. “Russia supplied the recipe and electric carving knife. The Americans ate it up.”

Zelenskyy asked to join the feast but was forced to sit at the kids table alongside Macron and other European leaders. They were the only Turkeys at dinner after Trump pardoned Gobble and sentenced Ukraine to leftovers.

Trump accepting a bribe from Gobble with his right hand in exchange for a pardon.

Zelenskyy suggested Tomahawk Stuffing as a side, but US envoy Steve Halfwitkoff insisted he eat humble pie.

“We want to ensure our ally gets favorable terms while they have leverage,” said Halfwitkoff. “That’s why we expect Russia will accept the deal they wrote.”

When asked why Ukraine wasn’t consulted on the terms, Halfwitkoff explained, “We did consult them. We told them what they were.”