Supreme Leader Sends Internal Security to Quell Protests
“We will not allow domestic terrorists and foreign infiltrators to fuel unrest,” The Leader said.
Capital City — The Supreme Leader (may his approval ratings never falter) has defended the killing of unarmed protesters by internal security forces, calling it, “the most peaceful use of force in history.”
“We will not allow these vandals, saboteurs, and mobs of agitators backed by worldwide Zionism to harm the interests of the nation,” the Leader tweeted to his fawning followers, who immediately reposted.
“I will keep sending our forces into rebellious provinces and cities to uproot the foreign invaders and bring peace and security to loyal citizens.”
“Some civilians tragically chose to place their bodies in the direct path of government bullets. We urge all patriots to stop doing that. Citizens should remember they have the right to remain silent — and we’re here to help them exercise it,” said the Interior Minister.
When asked why they came out to protest, demonstrators explained they were fed up with economic conditions, corruption, and the climate of fear created by security forces.
A spokesperson for the Ministry of Truth refuted those assertions, saying the economy was strong, especially the tactical vest, teargas, impunity, and gaslight industries.
A reporter asked one protester what they planned to do “if the Iranian regime continues to crack down.”
“Iran?” answered one demonstrator. “This is Minneapolis.”
