Republicans Claim Election Sweep, Citing “Opposite Day”

Democrats Declare “Epic Victory” after Winning Races They Shouldn’t Lose

By Luce Widafax, National Correspondent

Washington, D.C. — President Trump and a chorus of MAGA influencers declared Tuesday that Republicans had “actually won” Tuesday’s gubernatorial races in New Jersey and Virginia, and that Andrew Cuomo defeated Zohran Mamdani in New York.

Speaking to reporters in front of a worn “STOP THE STEAL” banner with “AGAIN” written in Sharpie, Trump insisted that, “The Fake News says we lost, but it was Opposite Day, folks. Everyone knows it. Reverse fraud. We also picked up five House seats in California.”

“This is classic Deep State gaslighting,” MAGA clout parasite Jack Posobiec posted on X. “When Republicans lose elections this clearly, you have to assume they really won.”

“Democrats keep counting votes that aren’t ours,” said Vice President JD Vance. “We believe every election is fraudulent until proven Republican.”

Asked to clarify President Trump’s Opposite Day claim, Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt replied, “Your mom can explain it.”

“It’s like clockwork,” said Dr. Patricia Henderson, a Georgetown University political scientist. “Schrödinger’s Election Fraud—simultaneously everywhere and imaginary, depending entirely on whether Republicans won or lost.”