Other Handsome Bills Sue Trump, Congress Over "Big Beautiful Bill" Designation
“This legislation may be hot, but it’s not the only smoking Bill,” said a plaintiff named, what else, Bill.
By Phil E. Buster, Congressional Correspondent
Washington, D.C. — July 25, 2025
Over 200 men named “Bill” have filed a class action lawsuit against Congress and President Donald Trump, alleging “egregious aesthetic favoritism and discriminatory designation” in passing and signing into law the “One Big Beautiful Bill Act.”
Filed under Bill v. Bill (et al), the plaintiffs argue that Trump’s affectionate nickname for the policy and spending package was misleading and “emotionally injurious to Bills across America.”
“Nobody who has ever gotten lost in my eyes or seen me shirtless can argue that this is the only big and beautiful Bill,” argued William “Bill” Rockhard, a mirror consultant from Wichita, Kansas.
“My cheekbones could cut deficit spending. This bill certainly doesn’t.”
An attorney for the plaintiffs, Sue Greedy, argued that the nickname constituted “federal favoritism and facial profiling.”
“This is about equal representation,” said Greedy, who filed a 400-page brief on her clients’ behalf that included professional headshots, dating app statistics, and sworn “hotness affidavits” from ex-girlfriends. “Designating this bill insults other Bills with symmetrical features and high Instagram engagement.”
In addition to Rockhard, the plaintiffs include a Calvin Klein underwear model, a neurosurgeon with extraordinary glutes, and a barista with “Bradley Cooper energy” who recently came in second on “Love Island.”
Former New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick tried to join the lawsuit on the basis of his hot girlfriend, Jordon Hudson, but a federal district court ruled the couple would first need to marry without a prenup, “since [Belichick] definitely wouldn’t qualify on his own.”
“Ha! That ain’t going to happen,” Belichick said, when reached for comment.
President Trump responded to the lawsuit on Truth Social with the below AI generated image and retort:
“All the Bills are great. Very handsome. Fantastic hair. But NOT in contention for THE most beautiful Bill. Maybe if they buy $Trump memecoin we’ll consider them for the NEXT EVEN MORE BEAUTIFUL BILL! How do they think my administration works, anyway?”
A lawyer for the defendants called for the courts to dismiss the suit “on its admittedly drop dead gorgeous face.”
“There was clearly no intentional attribution of aesthetic superiority,” he said.
Legal experts expect the lawsuit to “hotpass” the circuit courts and go straight to the Supreme Court.
If that happens, they said, the court would likely rely on former Chief Justice William “Bill” Rehnquist’s “hot or not” legal doctrine, which established the legal standard for handsome men’s rights in Chippendales vs. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.