No Kings and Other Nightmares: What Scares Mike Johnson
“There’s No Bill of Rights in the Bible”
By Phil E. Buster, Congressional Correspondent
Washington, DC — Ahead of thousands of “No Kings” rallies today, House Speaker Mike Johnson sat down with Ridiculocracy to explain what keeps him up at night.
Peaceful Protests: “Clearly un-American,” the Speaker said. “I’m an originalist. The right to peaceably assemble is in the First Amendment. If it was so important, why didn’t the Founders include it in the original Constitution?”
Antifa: “Terrifying. They’re like ghosts. Nobody’s actually seen them, but SO many feel their presence. Especially when you walk past the Whole Foods freezer section. Shivers.”
Teddy Bears: “They’re soft and cute on the outside. But inside? Lumps of cotton wool lacking spine or conviction. Like RINOs. And Democrats.”
Unscented Soap: “I need something to mask the stink of complicity. Lavender reminds me of the sweet smell of January 6th.”
Clouds: “They’re here, then they’re gone. Where did they go? Spooky. Like Antifa.”
Taylor Swift: “She was the epitome of liberal…
