Meals on Wheels Next after SPLC Indictment

ASPCA, Alcoholics Anonymous also in DOJ Crosshairs

Granny demands payment after informing on Meals-on-Wheels volunteer. (Source: Gemini)

By Grant Fraud, Nonprofit Accountability Correspondent

Washington, DC — The Department of Justice rolled out new indictments Friday, following charges that the Southern Poverty Law Center (SPLC) funded extremism by paying hate group members to incriminate themselves.

The list includes Meals on Wheels, charged with running an unlicensed food delivery service and forcing seniors to eat “casserole.”

DOJ also accused the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (ASPCA) of exacerbating allergies and transporting undocumented pit bull mixes across state lines without voter ID.

“We prefer pure breeds,” Stephen Miller explained.

Other Targets of DOJ’s New “Nonprofit Division”

Alcoholics Anonymous — Nobody knows who’s in it, though investigators note “a troubling pattern of members who later received Senate confirmation.”

Make-A-Wish — Too many kids visit Disney, which employs Kimmel. Beneficiaries don’t show up when subpoenaed.

The Seeing Eye — They claim to train canine companions, but nobody will admit to seeing anything.

Habitat for Humanity — Refused repeated requests to work on the East Wing.

The Girl Scouts — “Addictive” thin mints “like crack,” suggesting support for narcoterrorism.

Now a Schedule 1 substance.

Big Brothers Big Sisters — Sounds woke. Violates the anti-DEI executive order. Fraudulent: they’re not actually related.

The Anti-Defamation League — “Troubling pattern” of “SPLC-like surveillance” of “patriotic heritage organizations.”

The Salvation Army — A militia outside the Leader’s command. Prefers bells to masks.

The Innocence Project — Soft on crime. Science based. Anti-firing squad.

Planned Parenthood — Most patients did not plan. False advertising.

Hospice Volunteers — Everyone they see ends up dead.