Loomer Joining “The Kardashians”
"This is either genius or the beginning of the apocalypse,” said a media executive.
By: Chad Buzzworthy, Social Media Correspondent
Calabasas, CA — August 26, 2025
Far-right troll and Trump whisperer Laura Loomer is joining season 7 of Hulu’s “The Kardashians,” the streaming network announced Monday.
“We considered Marilyn Manson,” said Kim, “but we decided he wasn’t unhinged enough, so we got his off-brand twin, Laura. She’s had as much plastic surgery as the rest of us, so we think she’ll fit right in.”
The Kardashian Konnection
Sources close to production reveal Loomer's addition stems from the Kardashian family's desperate need for new storylines.
"They've done makeup, glamping, tequila, law school, and Pete Davidson," said TMZ analyst Poppa Razzi. "Election conspiracy theories and airport confrontations were the next logical step."
“She’s perfect for the brand,” said Kris Jenner. “She’s controversial, unstable, and constantly trending for the wrong reasons — like a Kardashian with no fashion sense.”
The family has already begun incorporating Loomer's political brand into their business ventures. Upcoming collaborations include:
SKIMS Doxxside: Shapewear printed with phone numbers and addresses of “woke” civil servants—comfortable for poolside trolling.
Kylie Career Destroyer Cosmetics: Palette includes "Trump Tan," "McCarthy Beige," and "Islamophobia Sparkle." Fragrance: “Smells like Treason.”
Good American Truth Jeans: Slave labor woven denim with reinforced knees "for when you need to take a stand."
Kendall’s Border Patrol Bikinis: “Nothing says summer like surveillance.”
The New Season
Loomer’s addition promises to make season 7 the wackiest yet, with Hulu teasing several big reveals in a press release.
In one episode, Loomer rages against Kourtney and former boyfriend Scott Disick for their “bastard spawn” and Kourtney’s desire to work while mothering. She also stages a protest over Kendall’s “illegal immigrant pool boys.”
In another, Loomer accuses Kris of “Sharia sympathies” for serving hummus. Despite being a Republican, she claims that Caitlyn Jenner’s trans activism inspires school shootings.
In a third episode, Loomer, who has struggled to date because she’s “fucking evil” according to former boyfriend, Satan, reveals that she’s still a virgin at 32 because she’s “saving herself for Trump.”
Now that she’s an honorary Kardashian, however, several NBA players and Kim’s ex-husband, Kanye West, briefly show interest.
“Laura seemed cool until she started talking about her cow fetish and asking if I was ‘into Lorena Bobbitt stuff,’” a Clippers power forward says.
In the episode’s touching final scene, Loomer cries in Khloe’s lap after West dumps her. “I’ve been retweeting Ye's posts since 2019. We’re both MAGA nation. Why doesn’t he love me?"
“That gold digger’s crazier than me off my meds,” West confides to Kim. “Have you seen her tweets about Marjorie Taylor Greene?”