“Lamest Intelligence Professionals Day Ever!”
No parade, canceled activities, layoffs, and treason accusations cloud IC appreciation day.
By Case O. Phizer, Intelligence Community Correspondent
An Undisclosed Location near Washington, D.C. — July 26, 2025
The most eagerly anticipated annual event in the Intelligence Community (IC) – U.S. Intelligence Professionals Day – passed with little fanfare this year. For the first time, a sitting administration neither thanked the IC nor approved a budget for festivities.
“It’s almost like they don't trust us,” said a long-serving CIA employee wearing a “Secret State” lapel pin.
IC Professionals Day is usually a cross between Veterans Day and Spring Break, combining solemn appreciation for the clandestine and analytic services with classified debauchery. Even famously introverted National Security Agency (NSA) analysts let loose, often glancing up at their conversant’s shoes instead of their own.
But this year the Trump administration nixed the parade, wet t-shirt contests, and $1 ‘sniper shots’ at SCIF Bar – an establishment so exclusive you need a Top Secret security clearance to enter.
“The biggest tragedy was not being able to fund the annual Case Officer vs. Honey Pot competition,” said a former Moscow Station Chief.
“It’s legendary. We unleash a bunch of operatives in a hotel bar and whoever comes back with the most cash, stolen cell phones, and compromising pictures of the other competitors wins. We stream it live via drone and hidden cameras in cocktail umbrellas. Gets GREAT ratings on the Top Secret system.”
The Reductions in Force (RIFs) that have hit the IC alongside other federal agencies likely also dampened enthusiasm.
“I got a RIF notice on IC Professionals Day that said, ‘Now IC you, now I don’t. You’re fired. You have 45 minutes to evacuate.’ How heartless is that?” asked a CIA interrogator.
“It's not like I do development or diplomacy. Fortunately, they reinstated me after realizing that black sites aren't a DEI thing.”
A State Department Bureau of Intelligence and Research analyst wasn’t so lucky:
“The military always gets thanked for its service, and the Army celebrated President Trump’s birthday with a $30 million parade of tanks, flyovers, and surplus equipment giveaways to the Proud Boys,” the RIFed analyst said.
“We were willing to stand back and stand by, but the only parade we got was our march out of the building.”