Iceland, Greenland, Ireland, They're all the Same to Me!
Excerpts from Trump’s Davos Speech
By World N. Disarray, Global Elites Correspondent
Davos, Switzerland — In case you missed them, below are several selections from President Trump’s speech Wednesday:
Introductory Remarks
“Friends, it’s great to be back in Davos, Switzerland, the home of the world champion bikini team. Thank you for the hospitality and the little chocolates on my pillow. World famous, Swedish chocolate. Cheaper here too without tariffs. I always say: if they won’t give you Iceland, just give them Welsh chocolate, and they’ll be so grateful — like Canada should be — that they’ll roll over and give you Lapland.”
On His One Year Anniversary
“I bring phenomenal news: my administration just hit one year, and America is HOT! Iowa potatoes are flying off the shelves. The University of Arkansas Jayhawks are NCAA champions. And crime in Washington is at historic lows. Seattle has never been so peaceful.”
“We’re the hottest country on earth. We unleashed American coal and oil, plus Venezuela’s. They tell me 2025 was one of the hottest on record. Bad for Greenland. It’s a giant piece of ice, so it’ll probably melt soon. Right after Iceland. But don’t believe the Green New Scam people. Can’t trust the Irish.”
“When the ice breaks, ships better watch out. And the Jews need to be careful this time. I told Bibi, you have a wonderful country, but you can’t go around wrecking ships anymore like you did the Titanic—”
(pause, aide whispers, Trump responds)
“—iceberg, Goldberg, same thing.”
