Doctors Clear Trump for 14 More Terms after “Perfect” MRI

“They'd never seen brain folds shaped like a bald eagle before. Tremendous symmetry, very patriotic,” the President said.

By Dee Mensha, Presidential Health Correspondent

Somewhere over Asia — President Trump revealed Monday that his recent MRI showed “the most perfect brain in presidential history,” calling it “a crime to prevent such tremendous neural tissues from serving a third, fourth, and maybe permanent term.”

“The doctors said I have the brain of a 35-year-old and the wisdom of Kissinger, which is natural, since we both like to blow up foreigners without Congressional approval—or remorse,” Trump told the Air Force One press corps.

“Everyone agrees the 22nd Amendment doesn’t apply to me,” Trump continued. “It has a carve out for ‘any person holding the office of President when this article was proposed by the Congress.’ I was one then. There’s a photo of me in a onesie that says, ‘Future President.’ Clearly, that counts.”

“That’s exactly right, Sir,” said Justice Thomas.