Democrat Agencies Secede from Executive Branch

Interagency Civil War Brewing; USAID Insurgency Takes Shape

The Heads of the Confederacy of Constitutional Bureaucracies announced their secession from the Executive Branch at a press conference Thursday.

By Kill M. All, War Correspondent

Washington, DC — Facing further layoffs and funding cuts during the Federal shutdown, ten “Democrat Agencies” announced Thursday they would secede from the Executive Branch.

“We hoped that time, reason, and argument would bring, if not redress, at least exemption from further insults, injuries, and dangers,” wrote the Confederacy of Constitutional Bureaucracies in their “Declaration of Causes of Secession”:

“However, recent threats to our economy and way of life have fully dissipated all such hopes. Utter subjugation awaits us in the Executive, if we should consent longer to remain in it. It is no longer a matter of choice but of bureaucratic necessity. Our mission statements compel us.”

The Confederacy immediately replaced political appointees with career civil servants, reestablishing “busyness” and “presence” as Key Performance Indicators and ensuring everyone retained full Dental.