Cancel Culture War: Right Goes Nuclear After Charlie Kirk Assassination
The Left: “What did we start?”
By Hy Pak Ray See, Chief Political Correspondent
Everywhere, USA – Americans could soon face full unemployment, lawsuits, bans, or federal probes for their uncle’s TikTok if they keep canceling each other — with Jimmy Kimmel the latest casualty.
The Right and Left initially agreed to establish a “Mutually Assured Cancellation” hotline. But the plan collapsed when nobody could locate leftwing leaders and everyone stopped caring who liberals blacklist.
Since Turning Point USA founder Charlie Kirk’s murder, the Right has usurped and doubled down on the Left’s pastime: taking jokes too seriously. It’s now channeling its energy — and federal firepower — into canceling anyone who doesn’t glorify the MAGA martyr.
“We used to mock the Left for canceling people over pronouns,” said Rep. Cory Mills (R-FL), texting Laura Loomer a “domestic terrorism” list of everyone on BlueSky.
“But then we realized that Cancel Culture is a powerful tool. Conservatives now believe in safe spaces — especially ones where no one criticizes Charlie Kirk.”
“We’re taking Cancel Culture to its logical next step: drone strikes,” explained White House Deputy Chief-of-Staff Stephen Miller. “We will only issue ‘trigger warnings’ before canceling people permanently.”
“Isn’t that what Tyler Robinson did?” asked a now freelance journalist newly banned from the White House.
The Left: “Hey, no fair!”
Longtime practitioners of online moral purging, liberals are stunned to find themselves on the receiving end of tactics they pioneered.
“Cancel Culture was ours — like Blacks and Latinos before the 2024 election. How dare they wield our weapon against us?” asked Brooklyn podcaster and former DoorDasher Skye M., recently fired for posting a meme of the Grim Reaper decapitating Kirk.
“I don’t get why my employer didn’t like me cheering the murder of a dad with two kids. I thought consequences were for conservatives.”
“Charlie wasn’t a saint,” said the last remaining centrist commentator. “But it’s not a contest. Just because your side has committed less violence doesn’t justify delighting in political assassination…unless it goes viral as a really good clapback.”
Daring stance. I think you threaded the needle well.