After the East Wing: Upcoming White House Renovations
Nothing says the "people's house" like corporate sponsors, golf courses, and gold escalators.
By Penny Shill, White House Correspondent
Washington, DC – The White House confirmed today that the new Palantir Ballroom in the rebuilt Amazon East Wing is just the first in a long list of renovations.
“It’s going to be Meta! Literally,” said Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt. “They bought the naming rights to the whole thing. If the outrage industrial complex lost its mind before, wait till the Libs get a load of these.”
The “Purple House”: Time for a splash of color amidst the drab DC landscape. “I’ve always loved Prince,” Trump explained. “Think Purple Rain meets Joe Rogan.”
Food Court: The kitchen and James Beard Award winning organic chefs are out. McDonalds, Burger King, Wendy’s, Cracker Barrel, and Ruth’s Chris are in. Open 24/7. Great fuel for 3 a.m. tweet storms. Top Secret clearance ensures the Oval Office DoorDash guy can deliver anywhere.
The Hall of Compliments: After a good night’s sleep, walk from the Lincoln bedroom to the Oval Office in a hallway lined with slimming mirrors, pre-recorded applause, and Harry Potter-style living portraits whispering “nobody is a finer candidate for the Peace Prize” and “impressive stamina!” TVs display positive news clips, glowing social media posts, and “beautiful” podcast comments. Sponsored by YouTube.
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